Divorce and Children: Why is my child so stressed?

What about Your Divorce is Causing Your Child’s Stress: First Look in the Mirror

When you are in the divorce process, in a failing marriage, or experiencing other hard times in life, you are likely very stressed.  Parents often try to hide life’s harsh realities from their children, keeping the scary, ugly facts to themselves.  Parents mistakenly believe by doing this their children are being well insulated from the turmoil.

When you are experiencing a stressful situation you will likely be more withdrawn or quick to anger, and react to small inconveniences with an iron fist.  This type of reaction is the result of our evolutionary fight or flight response.  Children pick up on all those cues, especially when parents who were once loving and engaging are suddenly withdrawn and withhold love and affection.

I recently read an article in which a woman discussed her realization of anger’s affect on her behavior and interaction with her daughter.  Due to the author’s critical thinking, blaming herself for a failed marriage, she had become critical in her thinking of everyone, especially her own child.   The author admitted she had become like a bully; nothing was good enough, minor mishaps were blown out of proportion.  Her stress directly affected her child, who became withdrawn, fearful, and insecure.

When interacting with family while under severe stress, if you begin to feel angry, stop and take a breath.  Especially when the interaction is with your child.  Remember, your child is scared, sad, and just as insecure about the future as you are.  Take time for yourself each day, even just five minutes, to breathe.  Put yourself in your child’s place, and try to see it from their point of view.  Speak to them from a place of love and compassion, not anger.  You are not angry at your child, they did not cause your stress, they are an innocent party that needs to feel loved.

Filing for divorce is stressful, but a great way to keep stress down before, during, and after your case, is to hire a qualified, experienced attorney who will handle your case with professionalism and integrity.  Call the Ohio Divorce Attorney, Jamie L. Anderson, for a free in-office or telephone consultation today at (937)879-9542.