What and How to Tell Children
Parents often find that telling children about the separation or divorce a particularly difficult experience. Some parents find their own emotions coming to the surface as they think about sharing the decision with their children.
Other parents feel unsure about what is appropriate to tell their children and how to tell them. Children need information about the changes which will be occurring in their lives.
Plan How, When, and Where:
- Set aside time to meet as a family.
- Stay calm.
- Be as honest as possible.
- Explain that there is a reason for the divorce.
Decide What To Tell:
- Try to agree on an explanation.
- Avoid discussion the details of what went wrong in the marriage.
- Explain you will love them forever, but your feelings for each other have changed.
- Be fair. Don’t express negative feelings about the other parent.
- Avoid giving children the message that one parent is good and the other is bad.
When we talk about a divorce being granted, often we say, “My divorce is final.” But that doesn’t really describe what has happened.
On the day that your legal divorce is granted, it is your marriage that is final, or over. Your divorce is just beginning.
Divorce is a new relationship. A relationship which the courts will require you to maintain in some form while you go about the business of continuing to care for your children until they reach a certain age. If both parents intend to stay involved as the children grow up and establish families of their own, your divorce relationship can easily be a much longer relationship than your marriage. There are three directions that your divorce relationship can go. It can be:
- The same as your marriage.
- Worse than your marriage.
- Better than your marriage.
A wise man once said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” Most couples entering marriage do not have a plan for handling conflict or differences and the result is that the marriages in the United States fail 50% of the time. One out of every two marriages ends in divorce.
So as we enter the divorce relationship, it can be useful to have a plan. A plan that helps couples to negotiate the how, what, when and where of managing the practical details of everyday life with children being cared for between two homes. A plan that provides communication tools that will minimize conflict. A plan that will make life easier for everyone.
~Patricia Campbell: Dayton Divorce Attorney. Practicing exclusively in divorce, child support, child custody, family law, military divorce & marriage dissolution her service area includes Beavercreek, Fairborn, Kettering, Centerville, Dayton, Ohio and surrounding areas.
~Patricia Campbell: Attorney practicing exclusively in divorce, child support, child custody, family law, military divorce & marriage dissolution. Practice includes Beavercreek, Fairborn, Kettering, Centerville, Dayton and surrounding areas.
